Ok, here’s the scene. We are talking about just one thing and it is RELATIONSHIPS. And relationships are always between two things Love & Break Up (or, Hate).
Earlier you liked a woman, but you were not able to approach her may be due to social norms or ethics or fear or whatever.
But today if you like a woman you can tweet her, you can search her on Facebook or Instagram or you can just click a like on her an app on your cell phone and many more…
So let us dig into how the love used to be in the olden days and how is it now.
The word traditional might convey different meanings. Depending on a person’s age, education and historical background it might have different definitions.
But here we are only talking about the zest of love that our forefathers have had which might be as romantic to us in the present times. Let’s just put it this way that traditional love is the old concept of love.
“Live happily ever after is not a fairy-tale. It’s a choice.”
— Fawn Weaver
In earlier times dating was different where finding a date required more effort and energy than what it is today.
We like somebody, but It was hard to make somebody like you. I mean the love was about a fairy tale, and people loved to live in that illusion of their feelings for their crush.
As we had feelings for somebody we would dream about them every time, we would sneak and watch them without them seeing us, or our friends would meet us with their friends, or we would ask someone to dance.
Traditional love was romantic. It lasted longer than modern love.
It was a hard job, falling in love, but it was pleasurable though. Love was about a fairy tale, it happens only once and never again.
Of course, where there is love there is doubt. The traditional love was not an exception to it. Be it in the glorious love between Adam & Eve or a random couple today.
But today the doubt has tagged along with the word “always” – “where there is love there is always doubt.” 🙂
Now, let us look into how love is today.
Today the love is scripted, this is what I would prefer to call it. Modern love is not so romantic.
In the age of the Internet, romance has disappeared into algorithms, codes, and signals. Virtual relationships are popular where young people are experiencing their first relationship on their phones.
Today’s relationships are in the chasm between virtual and actual reality. With the influence of the virtual world, people act to be in love and name it a relationship, but the relationship comes with an expiry date – “relationship until …….. “
Yes, we do share our thoughts, feelings, and everyday experiences, but we make a story of it by texting. Is it real?
In the modern world, people are afraid to love each other, so they like each other on Facebook.
— Prabakaran Thirumalai
It is easier to meet someone on the Internet than in real life. It is easier to text someone. Why? We can be whoever we want. We are wearing masks we don’t want to take off.
But modern love is very bold, unlike the traditional ones. People do not feel shy to approach their crush nor do they feel awkward to send love notes or flowers or chocolates etc. They are all just a click away on their digital devices.
Within a snap of your fingers, you can impress your crush now :-).
How We Used To Love Earlier
You saw someone, you thought there might be something there, you took a chance. You tried to get to know that person, really know them – it worked. You made it official, you met the parents, you got engaged, then married and you had babies.
It was a simple story of boy meets girl and they fall in love.
How We Love Now
You see someone you may like. You think there might be something there, you take a chance, but you stop and wonder if you are ready for it. Or if this means you have to stop talking to the multiple people you are currently talking to.
What if you find someone more successful? Or better looking? Or richer? You go looking for the options. You overanalyze, you scrutinize everything to where you forget why it all started.
You let them go and move on in hopes of finding someone better or until you are “ready” to settle down.
How We Used To Behave
We communicated with honesty. We showed love, appreciation, and affection, even when we didn’t feel like it.
We supported their decision, we compromised, we showed that we cared. We tried to be compassionate, understanding, and loving. We accepted the person with their flaws.
We saw the bigger picture, saw the picture of a family—of a future spent with someone who will change and evolve. So we knew it will not be easy, but we wanted to take that journey anyway because we knew it was worth it.
We understood that the perfect relationship won’t exist, but we can make it wonderful together!
How We Behave Now
We wait a couple of hours to text back. We use social media to communicate our innermost feelings. We play games so we don’t come off as “needy” or “thirsty” or the person who cares more.
We hide our feelings behind an emoji or a perfunctory smile and that person forgets to respond to our text, or our question, or our needs.
We silence our voice because we have to be chill, patient, and independent. We think it’s better to be with someone who silences our voice than to be lonely. So we keep texting until the words lose all their meaning.
What was their worth Earlier
Even though we were fighting, we still talked to each other. We made plans together, ate together, and were there for each other until we made up.
We communicated and discussed how we can make it work, how we could avoid this situation in the future, and we reassured each other that everything will be OK, it’s just a fight—it happens.
What Are They Worth Now
We fight, we tell ourselves this wouldn’t have happened if we were dating X, Y, Z. We decide to teach them a lesson and dismiss their calls and messages for 3 days, a week, a month until they learn their lesson.
And when we makeup, we will still be more guarded, a bit harder, and unwilling to put up with their “drama.” So we decide to keep our options open—again— and we try to find someone better, someone less “dramatic,” who could be better looking, more successful or richer.
How We Were Earlier
The world promoted love & commitment and the family came first. The songs & the movies all spoke of true, everlasting love, the love that we now label “corny” or “cheesy.”
Relationships were cherished where men were appreciated when they were being “difficult,” and women were loved when they were being “crazy.” People knew that the only way to make a relationship last is to invest in it, love it, and make an effort to make it work.
They knew how to turn a house into a home.
How We Are Now
It’s better to have more options. The more the merrier.
Social sites and social platforms – How many people are you talking to? Lead them on, break their hearts, lead them on again, continue being unsure of your feelings, continue being in the grey area, continue being “casual” for as long as you can.
Don’t have that conversation just yet, no strings attached, friends with benefits. Somebody that I used to know.
Go out, get drunk, and hook up with random people to numb the pain and fill that void, keep pretending that you like it, that you are OK with it.
Keep pretending that you are OK with the emptiness you feel when you are sleeping next to someone who doesn’t know who you really are and what keeps you up at night.
How We Used To Love Earlier
- Remember I’ll always be true
- Tomorrow I’ll miss you
- Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you
- And then while I’m away
- I’ll write home every day
- And I’ll send all my loving to you
How We Love Now
- What do you mean?
- But Why?
- What do you mean?
- Are you…?
- Will you….?
- Won’t you…?
- Why? why? why?
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?
But an interesting thing that I have known of people is that they want a traditional love designed in a modern way.
People believe in the fairy tale of love, believe in the love story of Adam & Eve, Romeo & Juliet and they desire to have a story of their own. BUT they do not work on to creating such love in their lives – this is modern society today.
It is easier to move on to another relationship than to strengthen the current one.
Life is very busy nowadays to keep waiting for one person so if things are not going well between the two of you it is a safe passage to just call it over and move on.
I think this is the truth of this modern society now – “I love this person but he/she is not fulfilling my needs so I ditched him/her and go with him/her (i.e the new guy/girl).”
Unexpected things happen in love sometimes which we have not even thought or planned of. But life is very busy now so we do not wait for somebody.
And if the relationship is not working then we just move on we do not try to dig into the causes of those misunderstanding or quarrels. This has completely changed the essence of love today.
There are people who believe in the delusion of the love that they see nothing else. They see the reality too but the belief of that love is so strong that they say “fine! my heart is broken but still, I believe in love and I know it will come to me if I project it.
But the most neglected thing is that they do not even try to care what they already have rather they search for another and another and yet another.
Unless you understand yourself you cannot enjoy the love, believe me on this.
Comparing traditional love and modern love is just a topic for discussion. Love can never be compared unless it is only for money, sex, or pleasure.
Love is the sensational feeling that we feel in our heart and nobody else can understand this besides us alone.
So maybe the scenario of love has changed or I’d prefer to say modified since the earlier times but the feelings are the same for the lovers.
But if we are in love we need to learn to respect it and take care of it like the couples earlier, that we should learn from them today.
Now we need to build the habit to celebrate the feelings of love every day.